Ole Pappy
Somebody clever is always coming up with, “National this Day,” or “National that Day.” There are more special days than there are icicles on a cold, blustery Minnesota Day. So I came up with my own day. How about, “National Cold Day?”
I mean, it seems like I always have a cold. My wife says, “You have more colds than anyone I know.” Of-course, she blames it on the fact I don’t wash my hands enough, don’t take enough care to get completely clean in the bathroom or I simply don’t pay attention to the people around me.
She claims more colds are spread on bathroom door handles. I tried to tell her I always wash my hands very well in a public bathroom. But when I walk out ... well, I grab the handle. What is a guy supposed to do, carry a towel with me everywhere I go? Back in the old days, all men carried a handkerchief in their pocket.
That might have helped, but likely if I used that I’d be spreading my germs onto someone else when I wipe the handle clean. I have a different theory on how colds happen. I remember every time I go to the state wrestling meet or the state basketball tournament, I come home with a cold.
You know, those arenas are filled with people and chances are real good some of them have colds — or worse. One time at the state wrestling tournament, I paid attention to this matter and tried to watch the audience and see how they were reacting. I’d swear half of them were coughing or hacking. How am I supposed to keep from getting a cold in that environment. I also try to sell my wife on the theory I got colds simply from being outside in this awful Minnesota weather. She didn’t buy that theory, either. “I never get colds,” she says.
That almost makes me wonder if she isn’t right. But I hate to admit that. I prefer to think my immune system is lower than hers and that I am constantly amongst more people than she is ... but I’m sure she’d have a way to argue that point, too! Cold season is such a well-known time of the year.
If I had my choice, I’d have six seasons instead of four: Spring, Summer, pothole season, Fall, cold season and the Winter season. Thing about colds is I know when they’re coming. They attack your mouth and make it feel funny. Or they create that disgusting stuff you keep hacking up — and that makes you cough.
Your nose runs, and then there’s that constant coughing. At the first sign I start taking all the man-made medicines I know — but it never seems to stop the cold. In the long run, it simply has to work its way through the cycle. And this could take two weeks or more. So, why am I telling you all this? Why am I working my way through the process on paper? Well ... Cough, cough ... hack, hack. I’ve got it again! Colds — I Hate you!
LAUGH A LITTLE: Ten reasons you know you bought a bad computer. 1. Lower corner of screen has the words “Etch-a-sketch” on it. 2. Its celebrity spokesman is that “Hey Vern!” guy. 3. In order to start it you need some jumper cables and a friend’s car. 4. It’s slogan is “Pentium: redefining mathematics”. 5. The “quick reference” manual is 120 pages long. 6. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling. 7. The screen often displays the message, “Ain’t it break time yet?” 8. The manual contains only one sentence: “Good Luck!” 9. The only chip inside is a Dorito. 10. You’ve decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection. (Submitted).
THOUGHT FOR THE WEEK: As my Ole Pappy used to say, “Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination can take you anywhere. Ole Pappy certainly understood imagination. He always came up with something really imaginative when he wanted to punish me. Thanks Ole Pappy — I think!